Latin American Diaries - 19 December 2002

Planet Honneywood

Dear All,

So much has happened since we last spoke and as I did not email you all last month, I would be here until Crimbo bringing you up to speed. And as the chaps in Singapore said; “Bloody hell Honney, you type nearly as much as you talk these days!” So I shall give a brief whirlwind flight through some 15,000 miles as follows:-

Mexico City arrival hall 3...bust up with customs officials as Honney’s spare leg is bandied around like the Jules Rimnet Trophy, contents of bag also emptied. Honney keeps calm and brings the area to stand still by blocking the customs area due to taking 20 minutes to repack. Mexicans were going mad. Conscious of not clogging the skies over the capital city due to the terminal being packed and not wanting to risk a body probe, I left the place in chaos when I sensed rubber gloves were coming out. Decide that after 9 months in Latin America maybe I had had enough and the next day, I land in LA.

Hire sensible car for the week, yet leave Thrifty Car Rental office in a 3 litre convertible mother of all motors. Eat the road as much as car eats into my dollars with a fuel consumption rate of 3 miles to the gallon...and that is just when it is parked up!

Enter the Vegas strip with roof down and Elvis blarring from the stereo system and whilst such behaviour would earn you a slap anywhere else in the world, in Vegas it is perfectly acceptable nee encouraged. Meet two South African nutters, unable to recall much of next two days with these chaps.

Arrive in New Zealand, stay with an old colleague from my ITV days and his family. Graham, Sue and the kids are well. Catch up with Graham’s sister, whom I shared a house with in Aus many years ago. Rachel has calmed down if having a house full of kids, ducks and chickens is anything to go by.

Meet my new traveling amigos from Manchester in the truly wonderful south island. In my opinion, the most beautiful place there is. Cruise around at leisure and spend hair raising time in a rally car. Alas, only in the passenger side as we literally hop off the track. Great joy, which might explain a speeding ticket I later picked up whilst bombing down the motorway. The big debate between us, is who among us will do a bungee jump? Cathy does two, one from 143 meters the nutter, Adam does one, whilst I have a calming plate of sushi and a cool drink, tutting at the antics of youngsters these days.

Oz for a few days catching up with old friends and supping a few beers as you would expect. I am perfectly healthy until I land in Sydney, when I came down with a little known ailment which hits my left knee called “Pommie cricketer random injury experienced in Oz syndrome” As soon as get on plane to Singapore, injury disappears.
Singapore, my second home of late. Stay with my guru Vib Sharma and the family and it would be fair to say, it’s full on and bed a temporary distraction to the usual hedonistic pursuits. Vib and the wife are expecting their first child in early January and there has been plenty of pre-wetting the baby’s head in anticipation of the big day.

Arrive knackered in Malaysia which is not India where I was due to be heading to, but since the decline of the Empire, Poms now need a visa and that takes a while to sort out. I have spent the last couple of weeks relaxing, the last few days of which, swaying gently in a hammock on Langkawi turning the odd page in a book before sleeping soundly. I hired a motor bike and went round the island for the day and that has sent me back to the hammock, hopelessly fatigued.

Frankly, after 11 months on the road I am knackered and I still have 3 nights with The Sharma before flying home on Christmas Eve. One of which will be our works Crimbo Party, you all invited by the way and we’ll be kicking off at Bar Bisous around 7pm on the 22nd.

Well people that is it. We have had fun have we not? From playing goalkeeper in the Galapagos Islands, landing space shuttles in Houston and nearly having my eyes knocked out be overjoyed Brazilian uber babes football fans. From catching up with long lost relative in a Peruvian shanty town, to making contact with a QPR fan in Buenos Aires and a whole lot more beside.

No trip is the product of one person’s dreams and without wishing to get all Gwyneth Paltrow about it, I am indebted to those family and friends that helped me before I left Blighty by putting me up and of course, those that provide a roof whilst on the road. Many thanks again.

Along the way I have caught up with old friends and made a few more new ones as well. But I must also say muchas gracias to Kev, Kingers, David, Annette and Mr. Personality himself, Peter Bonner a.k.a. The Aussie, who it was great to chat with whilst I was in Oz and who, alas, was denied the chance to head to Melbourne to meet me by striking prison nurses...don’t ask! Of course, a sad note was the untimely passing of our mate, the late Andy Finch.

And finally to all of you that have emailed me whilst I have been away with the news from back home and a few jokes to keep me going. Thanks to one and all as they were very much appreciated.

This idea for this trip from Boston to Patagonia was planted by a book I read by Paul Theroux some 3 months before I went traveling the first time in 1990. And as I lay beside the beach here recuperating, I think that after 3 major jaunts and a few side-trips aside over the last twelve years, it might be time to hang up my rucksack. Like its owner, it’s showing signs of fraying at the edges and it looks like it could do with being retired.

So how annoying to see bloody Theroux write a book about his travels between Cape Town and Cairo. No siree, no thanks and there is no way we are doing Africa in 2012 on the Night Boat to Cairo Tour. I bloody hope not!!

Merry Christmas everyone and see you soon.

Cheers

JH