Berlin Diaries - 10 October 2008

I counted them all out and I counted them all in again
(Part 2)

Volenti non fit injura is an archaic Latin phrase in the British legal system and in essence it states: “Don’t moan that you got injured, you assumed the risk when you undertook the exercise you muppet” and this was to be the cornerstone of my legal defence if I were to be sued by any or all of the members of Team Runny Honney (TRH)!!

From April 2007 onwards, many contemplated and some even entered, but come race day for the 2008 Berlin marathon, we were 15 in number and all were in fine shape even if many emails I received in the weeks leading up to the off were littered with comments like: “Why did you make me do this?” and “Your name is mud round these parts” were an oft frequent read for me.

Well, the moans and groans have now subsided and I hope that those who ran their first races as well as us more seasoned veterans will look back with a lot of pride and fondness for what was in the end, a wonderful weekend in Berlin.  I know I will.  I also hope that when the chaps look back in years to come, they do so with pride and as they go on to recall their story - possibly sat on a bar stool somewhere, with their chests puffed out and their bellies flopping out over the tops of their trousers - they will recall that for one day at least, they were an athlete in a world record event. 

There was the TRH Cup at stake, which was jointly shared and also, the prestigious team event which went to the Group that was always going to win it and in the end, we in the Rest of the World team didn’t have to cheat.

So I thought that through the medium of t’internet I should provide an end of term report as it were, on their performances and to once again thank them as much as I now seek to praise them.

JH (Berlin-Tegal Airport 3 October 2008)

The QPR Chaps

1. Mark ‘Flameboy’ Coughlin

Fancied by most for the best time, but like many on the day, a series of unplanned injuries and a slow field at the start held back ‘The Flame’ and in the end his time was not reflective of his natural speed or expectation.  However, seeing as he only started training quite late in the day due to commitments in Kazakhstan, he really ought to look back on his return to the distance with a lot of pride and all things considered, 4:02:29 is a tremendous effort. 

Mark has been awarded The Golden Borat Honourable Mentionings of Kazakhstan for Most Glorious Runnings Awards.

2. Richard ‘Lloydy’ Lloyd.

A tall order requires a tall man and Lloydy was determined to put in a good time and achieved his goal with a fine time of 4:24:54.  It has been an honour and a pleasure to run two marathons with Lloydy and when I suggested that maybe we might consider a third and final hurrah, Lloydy went on to the orange juice, made polite excuses and was last seen galloping eastwards.   

Lloydy was awarded political asylum in Russia due to fears that he would be tortured upon his return to the west.   

3. Kevin Chocky’ McSweeney 4:10:48

Chocky was in the frame for the TRH Cup after a brilliant time of 4:10:48.  This is made all the more commendable by a series of injuries that saw Kevin undertake a one man effort to bolster the flagging GB economy by way of numerous visits to the physio.  For a man who had a gap of 24 years between his two marathons, his time is even more remarkable as his Satnav watch revealed that he actually ran 27 miles on the day!. 

Kevin has been awarded a chair on the next series of Dragon’s Den.

Kev Chuckle Bother and Pykey Chuckle Brother readying for the off

4. Ian ‘Pykey’ Pyke

Pykey returned the running fold after a long hiatus and was similarly hindered at the start by firstly a slow field and secondly, by me nudging him into other runners around 5 kilometres in.  He also had a ‘situation’ with another runner hurling abuse at him for no apparent reason!  His time of 5:04:18 was excellent given that he spent some 10kilometers nursing David Rowe to ensure the latter lived by the sound of it. 

In view of such gallantry and ability to turn a blind eye to intense provocation and still put in a top effort, Pykey has been awarded Nobel Peace Prize (and some clothes pegs).

5. David Rowe

There is no doubt that the bartenders of Singapore will now start breathing a huge sigh of relief that their best customer is returning home.  Indeed, at the time of typing this up, he has text me from a bar, so I think concerns about his health during the race have now subsided.  His time of 5:19:26 in the circumstances is on a par with Gebrslassie, who tracked down David to congratulate him personally at the airport. 

Mention must also be made of his 2 year-old daughter who like Pops, has found her running legs and as she went charging around the Bier Garten later that night, it was a wonderful sight to see David look pleading to his father to run after Ms Zoe and consequently, she and her Grand Papa, Brian Rowe, have been awarded a Hannah Montana doll set and a fine Bordeaux respectively. (David receives a year’s free membership of BUPA).

Haile congratulates our Dave Rowe for surviving!

The Crown Heaton Moor Athletic Club

1. Mark ‘Dietmar’ Evans

The talk from the Moor was that Dietmar could be the dark horse.  Indeed, as befits a man who looks German, he was the epitome of technical elegance and looked good for a fast time, as he ran with what appears to have been a ‘Bat-belt’ of technical wizardry.  Alas, injuries got the better of him on the day and a devotion to sticking with the ailing Podders all the way must also be complimented and this accounts for his time of 5:40:25. 

Dietmar will be awarded the Reichs Cross by none other then Slade front man, Noddy Holder in the Brummie day honour’s list.

'Thomas' Podders and Dietmar with his Bat-belt

2. Chris Fensom

The oldest runner in the Team, but arguably his time of 5:23:18 was the best debut performance of the day.  In the evening, Chris gave no inch with younger pups putting many to the sword and upon returning to our Hotel, led a chorus of pleas for schnapps and then it all got messy.  However, subsequent race enquiries have revealed that he ran in his wife’s tights.

Chris seen here both in tights and being commiserated by Haile who narrowly beat him by 3 hours odd, has been awarded, Victoria Secret’s Man of the Year Award.

Here comes the man in tights!

Haile commiserates with our Chris after narrowly beating him by 3 hours 19 minutes

3. Jamie ‘Yarkshur’ Morley

Jamie broke the 5 hours 30 minute barrier by 48 seconds and put it down to the fact that whilst his training might not have been the best, sheer Yarkshur grit carried him home.  Nearly caused a ‘War of the Roses’ moment by claiming that “If thee were from Lancashire, I’d never have made it!”.     

In view of his efforts, he has been awarded what every Tyke dreams of, a sealed wallet.

4. Chris ‘Nano’ Podmore

Proud holder of the title: ‘The Fastest Man on the Moor’ with the highly impressive debut time of 5:06:29, a time that also earned him the title, ‘Fastest Podmore’ as well.  All this from the youngest runner of the Team and we allowed him to stay up and have half a shandy. Whether his time disappointed him or not remains to be seen, but the ever youthful Nano has age on his side and I predict that he will run again and under 4hours 45 mins…which is something for him to look forwarded to in NYC next year, possibly.

Nano was given a pat on the head and allowed a day off school.

Nano in what we call: 'strained number 2 position' for first two days after a run!

5. Richard ‘Podders’ Podmore

An impressive set of injuries that even I doth my cap towards, year-old twins and a job that takes him all over the place, meant that Podders completing the course when his troublesome right knee which still looked like a melon a few days later, highlights what a tremendous effort the self-designated ‘Tubbs’ put in.  His time of 5:40:20 will not reflect all that he had to get through to run this race, not least the crowd urging him on by shouting “Come on Thomas” Confused, the crowd assumed that as he had the name ‘Thomas Cook’ on his Man. City shirt then that must have been his name!  

However, and with little query, his effort was such that he was the joint recipient of the inaugural TRH Cup.

Thomas Podders and Daffyd Evans receive the TRH Cup

Rest of the World

1. Ms. Katja Klug

Alas we only got too met up with Katja once on the trip, due to Berlin being where her family/friends live, she’d hardly want to risk their wrath by spending time with us lot.  Her time of 4:21:41, which I understand she was a little disappointed with, was still one of the fastest on the day amongst our lot and one many of us are never likely to see and was a fantastic effort.    

Katja was named German Woman of the Year.   

2. David ‘Daffyd’ Evans

The man who stole the show and the one they now call the Legend in the Valleys of South Wales.  He was the last one into Berlin, late Saturday afternoon and he arrived at the RV point still loading up on electrolyte-Marlboros.  Well, they said the boy could run and he returned with the fastest time of the day of 3:47:45. He pitched up at the bier garten and the first words out “That was a bit hard wasn’t it!” which belied a man who looked like he’d merely nipped out for the papers earlier in the day.

Consequently, he was jointly awarded the TRH cup for a truly remarkable effort, made even more so because he carried his own drink around with him and his mobile phone as his time piece.  (Expect CZJ, Charlotte Church or Kathrin Jenkins to be pictured with him soon!)

Dave 'Smokin' Evans and his isotonic Marlboros

3. David Khan

The mysterious DK, alas did not get a chance to meet up with us as he was with his Squeeze and Father.  DK and I worked together and I ‘encouraged’ him to run and at the time of typing, he is looking to enter his fourth marathon next March!  We managed to meet for a quick cold one and his time of 3:57:31is truly incredible for two reasons. Firstly, it is 50 minutes quicker then his previous best and secondly, he did all of his training running on treadmills in the gym to save his knees! 

DK is being awarded the BALCO Improvement Award, previous recipients include; Barry Bonds, Dwain Chambers and Diego Maradona.  

4. Jon Purr

At 25 kilometres, JP was done for and ripe for putting down.  By kilometre 38, such was his revival, the likes of which has not been seen since Forrest Gump threw off his callipers and went running, he was ahead of me!  The man from Hull, who now runs out of Singapore with David Rowe, overcame a lot of problems on the day and to get round the course in the time of???  Silly sod lost his microchip whist changing his shoes and so his time is estimated as being around the 5hours 20mins mark.  Two days later, JP’s legs were again under the spotlight, but this time, under an x-ray.  Thankfully, he and they are ok.

The miracle of JP’s recovery is such, that Pope Benny has fast-tracked his beatification.

The miracle of Berlin, Saint JP is revitalised after some Holy Water!

5. John Honney

Initial disappointment at my time of 5:16:08 (as I was aiming for 2:03:58) soon gave way when I had the pleasure of crossing the line with Saint JP of Berlin and David Rowe.   When I eventually look back on all this nonsense, my Berlin race will be recalled not for it being my second fastest time over the distance, but because of the efforts of all of those above.   

Well you’ve all got some time off and the next run, depending on getting a place and being able to afford to get there; will be NYC in November 2009.  It’s not so much that I think it’ll be my last race, but as I lay there recovering in front of the Reichstag, for the first time in 4 years, the thought of running filled me with horror.  Plus, I also fear if I go on too long, then the only bloke who could possibly play me in the film will be Mr. Stallone.   

Hey yo, ‘ow you doin’?...see you in NYC. 

JHx